My name doesn't matter. I've always been interested in the occult. I'm a person who has looked into and read about various different religions before and never found a fit. This began when a relative of mine passed away. I've always felt empty inside to the point of seeking a diagnosis for mental illness, but not receiving any. Despite liking to learn, I have never been good in school and have always been an underachiever. Even now, I am an adult who is a mess and needs to get their life together. Still, things could be worse and I am grateful for my blessings.
This website is my shrine to Lucifer. I grew up catholic (more cultural than religious) and still feel something for the religion, but only when going at it in reverse. I don't currently practice magick or witchcraft other than divination (tarot and runes) sometimes. This seems to be a rare thing, for someone to be luciferian or satanist - but not a demonolator or magician or witch. Perhaps someday I will wade deeper into the occult, but for now, I just venerate him and learn about him and pray. I don't ask for much of anything but the strength to live and a connection to him. I have never been spiritual, so maybe I will never see or hear from him and that's okay. He is important, meaningful, and interesting even as just an archetype. I don't believe religion must always be taken literally.
When did this start? Late 2021, I started playing a mobile game about demons. It's one a lot of people play. Lucifer is a character in that one, my favorite. (I've played a different game that stars him and Belial too. Demons are interesting. But so are angels. By the way, I haven't watched the TV show.) It made me look into demonolatry but magick is not so much my focus right now as religion is. It's difficult to explain what I could possibly want from a 'god' because it's not 'friendship' or 'companionship' in a human sense, but something both more distant and more close at the same time. I do think I feel something, but I guess you could describe it as 'agnostic luciferianism' or even 'non-theistic'. I don't know that it's rational for me to believe in him when I don't believe the Bible literally; if anything, I think all gods, demons, spirits, etc. do speak with people, but not me. They say there's genetics involved in whether you're religious or not. Perhaps I lack the gene required for having mystical experiences.
I broke down in the early morning on Monday, October 24th, 2022. I felt a crushing emptiness, beyond suicidality, to the point of near physical pain in my chest. It was not mere 'loneliness', but a scorching hole in my being. Out of desperation, I decided to try praying to the only religious figure that has remained my fascination for the longest time. I could never bring myself to pray seriously since childhood, either out of shyness, self-consciousness, or disbelief. It reminds me now of my prior attempts to kneel on the floor of my university's prayer room at one point, but in doing so, feeling nothing.
This time, my attempt at praying was a babbling mess. I felt warmth, but it may have just been all the blood rising to my head in embarrassment. I didn't fold my hands or kneel. I've come to the realization that I'm, strangely enough, too proud to do so. Instead, I messed around with an old black rosary and sat cross-legged in bed. I always hear people say he doesn't like it when you're overly humble anyway - makes sense. I asked for signs that this was okay and if he wanted me to fuck off, to tell me so. Later, I picked a tarot card: the two of cups, labeled 'love' in the Thoth tarot. My dreams told me only 'yes', though my mind could have easily made such things up. I have decided I'm going to do this because it's what I want to do.
My prayers, since I am not basing anything off of formality, are so far quick and poorly-worded. I try to do it when the occasion arises (as quakers do) since there's no 'schedule'. I keep it simple. I don't have an altar on which to give physical offerings. My body is an altar of sorts. Here's an example: I'll eat fruit and offer the taste in his honor. If a demon were to exist who was literally Him and wanted to possess me and taste it, sure, why not. Otherwise, I'm just keeping him in my thoughts. Luciferianism is troublesome for its lack of texts (other than Paradise Lost), rules, or community, unlike something like catholicism. There's a lot of disagreement in general and I don't care for materials a lot of other people might consider foundational, like maybe Michael Ford's books. Even some of the ideas on him offered up by other 'practitioners' can sometimes rub me the wrong way, so I'm just playing this by ear.
Christianity has caused a lot of harm, as have all religions, but I don't hate it or christians in general. One of my professors was episcopal and showed me more kindness than almost anyone ever has, just by giving a shit. Just caring, just being there for someone can be a great way of doing good in the world. I'm drawn to the figure of Lucifer because of the good traits that one could see in him - a love of justice, creativity, liberation - not because I hold hate for christianity. Though I do feel a sense of antagonism, of course.
I'm sure this website will weird some people out, but please be respectful. You wouldn't want some randos to come along and pick on something you made earnestly, would you? Of course not. Some other people, most likely christians, may be offended or angered or want to proselytize. To them I say, isn't free will important to your god? So let me be.
If this website can help anyone in some way, whether by thinking about religion in their lives or about luciferianism, then all the better. Otherwise, thanks for visiting.